Posts Tagged ‘karate’

If Chuck Norris were a Real Estate Agent

May 17, 2010 1 comment

I remember when I was kid, I used to go to 7-11 every month to buy the latest copy of Black Belt Magazine so I could learn the ways of becoming a ninja.  Inside of it, there was always this cool ad of Chuck Norris wearing his “special” jeans that stretched in the crotch area, so he could kick arse, even when all dressed up.  I remember thinking, “Man, if I could just get some of those jeans, I could kick arse too … like Chuck.”  But I was always saddened because the truth of the matter was that I didn’t know how to kick, I didn’t know how to punch, heck, I hadn’t even stood outside of a real karate class with saddened eyes in hopes of one day entering because my grandmother (who raised me) thought I would get hurt.

So now that I’m all grown up, and can make decisions for myself, I thought, “You know what?  I’m gonna get me a pair of those Norris action jeans.”  Unfortunately, they don’t make them anymore.  But you know what?  I realized I don’t need his action jeans to kick some butt out there in the world anymore.  All I need is his attitude, perhaps his beard, and nothing will get in my way.  So I thought, “What if Chuck Norris were a Real Estate Agent?  What would he do?

Chuck Norris will base the value of your home by how much is left standing after he kicks it.

Chuck Norris once scared a house out  of escrow.

Chuck Norris doesn’t drive clients to see houses on the market … he throws them there.

When Chuck Norris got his real estate license … 200 homes simultaneously passed out.

Chuck Norris held an open house once … held it over his head for 4 hours.

On Chuck Norris’ real estate website, there is only one house for sale … the one that Chuck Norris allows you to buy.

Chuck Norris popped the housing market bubble … with a toothpick.

Thanks for your inspiration Chuck Norris.  If you could just teach me that escrow scare tactic, I’d be complete.